Posted by
Sidney Allen Johnson on Wednesday, August 08, 2007 8:00:34 PM
HEAVY METAL'S GOLDEN GOOSE....COOKED!
By the Ku Klux Klan
Its
now official, the proverbial goose that laid the golden eggs for heavy
metal's glory years is now dead. Murdered by the narrow minded bigotry
of those who claim to love the genre the most. The pursuit of "metal
purity" that began in earnest in the wake of grunge's successful
overthrow of the "Hollywood Hair Metal Club," is now complete. As with
all puritanical cleansings that came along, heavy metal's pious
arbiters of purity have killed the genre in the name of "true metal."
I have been staking this opinion for quite some time, but
several recent revelations have confirmed the demise of this once
vibrant and powerful genre of music. Recently I was reading an
interview with Iron Maiden in Classic Rock or Metal Hammer magazine
(sometimes they seem almost interchangeable), where Maiden doesn't see
themselves as a metal band. At first this might seem strange that the
defining band of "The New Wave of British Heavy Metal" would be shying
away from calling themselves a metal band, but in the current climate
of heavy metal it makes perfect sense. Many of the artists whose
careers have been associated with the words "Heavy Metal" are not
wanting to be associated with the genre anymore. This is not because of
what heavy metal was....but because of what heavy metal has become.
This genre that once represented empowerment, freedom and, dare I
say.....fun, has largely become a community of self-serving sycophants
who are addicted to the culture of metal...not the music. Therein lies
the problem. By seeing metal as more of a cultural movement rather than
a strictly musical one, they have choked the genre with all sorts of
definitions and restrictions as to what constitutes "true metal." The
majority of the metal media, in order to stay on good terms with this
highly vocal crowd, have largely acquiesced to the demands of this "Ku
Klux Klan" of heavy metal puritans. This has enabled a relatively small
group of people (I will be demonstrating just how small later in this
essay) to decide not only who is metal but also, and perhaps more
importantly, they take it upon themselves to anoint the bands that
will carry the genre's flag as the true front line of Heavy Metal. The
currently anointed ones being Mastodon and Lamb Of God.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that heavy metal is a genre
populated with individual thinkers, for the "Ku Klux Klan" of heavy
metal has run all of those off, even as they are likewise running off
the very artists who have contributed to heavy metal's great
past....all in the name of "true metal." The extreme metal crowd has
pushed their narrow vision of metal, transforming it into a drum
dominant, gutteral vocal embarrassment. We are all the worse for it.
If you peruse any of the metal media (internet or print)
you could be led to believe that heavy metal was born in the 80's. It
seems a common belief that Metallica created it out of thin air with
their first record, and perfected by the time they released "Master Of
Puppets." A veritable heavy metal "creationist" theory because, as you
know, there are no "evolutionists" in this Ku Klux Klan. There is a
complete denial that heavy metal existed in the seventies in spite of
the fact that the fossil record shows that prehistoric dinosaurs called
Black Sabbath, KISS, Judas Priest and Deep Purple all existed and even
thrived, in that decade. The words "Heavy Metal" were actually coined
just to describe the music of these bands. Mark Gromen of BW&BK, in
reviewing the new Dimmu Borgir record, took the opportunity to belittle
KISS by saying of them: "the mainstream media and music fans outside
the genre typically regard (them) as 'a metal band.'" We can't have
that now can we! This is of course a ridiculous rewriting of history
but it appears to be the attitude of too many of the most vocal of
fans, and they are enabled by the metal media. Metal creationism is a
natural byproduct of metal bigotry.
The biggest
fallacy of this crowd, however, is an overwhelming belief that Slayer's
"Reign In Blood" is the greatest metal record ever. There is an entire
"metal religion" devoted to this idea and without a doubt this is the
single most influential record in destroying the genre. Before "Reign
In Blood" heavy metal is unquestionably a guitar dominated form of
music. After "Reign In Blood" it has been transformed into a drum
dominant one. The cult that has sprung up in its aftermath has given us
the concept of "extreme metal." Everything faster than everything else.
Speed is the single most important defining characteristic to the Ku
Klux Klan of metal. It is also this crowd that has unleashed the
indistinguishable, and usually incoherent, croak and growl vocal style.
This has had the effect of rendering all the vocals, and therefore all
the lyrics, inconsequential and irrelevant. Thanks a lot.
All this has been perpetrated in the name of "brutality."
Pick up any metal magazine or go to any website and try to count how
many times the word "brutal" is used. Its like sand on a beach. They
can't help themselves. Savvy music fans know that the word "brutal" is
synonymous with "clueless metal musicians full of themselves" and never
buy these records. Also, wrapped up in this festival of "brutality" is
the underlying belief that all this speed is indicative of a technical
prowess and complexity that marks them as superior musicians. They view
music as a "craft" rather than an "art," so displaying their perceived
skills is more important than actually having a purpose. The music
exists for the craft, and like professional wrestlers, who delude
themselves into believing they are "competitors" and "athletes," this
new breed of metal musician is more than willing to tell us how good
they are. This would and should be a minor amusement but since the
commercial death of hair metal in the early nineties, this cult has
successfully waged a campaign to define heavy metal according to their
rules. They have pruned all the other branches off the heavy metal
tree. This has not only led to a funny looking tree, and rest assured
metal is quite funny looking these days, it has also killed the tree.
Only the lemmings of heavy metal's "religious right" (those for whom
metal is their religion) persist in their delusions and barely keep
this sonic embarrassment afloat.
Sakis Tolis, of the
band Rotting Christ, recently made this statement to Decible magazine:
"This is a well organized trick in order to control society, so when I
see someone thats very much Christian, I feel sorry for him because he
is not free." Strange, because if you replace the words "society" and
"Christian" with the word "metal" you have accurately described the
current state of the world of heavy metal. It has become a religion and
a culture for too many people, and like the real Ku Klux Klan, they
view their culture through a very narrow lens.
Which
now brings me to the consequences of this foolish line of thinking.
What has this Ku Klux Klan of brutal heavy metallers done to this once
proud and powerful genre? It would appear that they have finally
succeeded in rendering it totally irrelevant. As a case in point, take
my favorite example....MASTODON. As you may remember I wrote an
editorial at the time of Blood Mountain's release bemoaning all the
"affectionate" reviews that were heaped the CD. This is the band chosen
by the "powers that be" of heavy metal to be the next big thing. The
next Iron Maiden. According to all the fawning metal media this is top
of the line modern metal performing at its peak. Universal praise
always looks suspicious and "anointing" a band as the next big thing
has a habit of backfiring...and so it has. According to their manager
Nick John, in speaking with Decibel Magazine, Blood Mountain has
sold.......are you ready for this?......a grand total of......75,000
copies in the United States. No I did not leave off any zeros. 75,000
copies! With all the power, money, and influence of a major label, and
all the good reviews that money could, and did, buy, that is all it
sold. In the independent metal world this might be seen as a small
setback and satisfactory sales but in the world of the major labels
this was a failure more disastrous than the Union assaults on the
Confederate lines at the battle of Fredericksburg (ok, get a history
book).
Also of interest, in the same article, was the
sales figure for Lamb Of God's most recent CD "Sacrement," likewise on
a major label. It has sold only 200,000 copies. A better showing than
Mastodon, but bands that deliver gold records (500,000 units sold) are
dropped regularly as being unprofitable for major labels. Both Mastodon
and Lamb Of God had their records firmly notched at the top of most of
the metal media's year end polls for best record. Yet they have been
resoundingly rejected by the record buying public. This is what heavy
metal has come to...failure. the major labels, in a sense, shouldn't be
blamed for not knowing any better than to sign these bands. After all,
these are the bands that the metal underground and its media satellites
have anointed as the best in true metal. But they can't sell it and
for a good reason. The albums are nothing but infomercials for the
musicians playing on them. Utterly void of content or purpose. I will
concede that these records prove that the musicians involved can play
their instruments extremely well. But why? The musicianship is the
LEAST important reason to buy a record!
Here is
something that must be said. Those people of heavy metal's religious
right have been trying to convince themselves for quite some time that
metal music is some sort of panacea of musicianship. Those of the heavy
metal religious right will tell you that not selling a lot of records
is a good thing. It keeps metal pure. They actually believe that this
form of music is the modern day equivalent of classical music. "If
Beethoven were alive today he would play metal." Anyone who believes
that is an imbecile! The creationists of the metal Ku Klux Klan, who
deny metal's origins and history, don't want to admit what the record
buying public has never forgotten. HEAVY METAL IS ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC!
It is NOT classical music. No amount of self percieved importance will
ever change that. More importantly, that which kills Rock and
Roll...kills metal! This music is meant to be a populist form of
entertainment and it cannot survive as an elitist musician's disease
infected genre. In the April edition of Decibel Magazine, the editor
Albert Mudrian, claims he has been getting calls from National Public
Radio inquiring of him about the current state of metal. His
implication is that this bastion of Jazz and classical music, and
international news has started to look upon metal as more musically
favorable. Not just "music for dummies" anymore. See, it didn't take
them but one issue to go from reporting the Mastodon disaster to
seeking yet another anointing, this time from the "important" people
of NPR. I guess if NPR approves of musician's disease metal, then their
belief is that we will be compelled to acknowledge the greatness of the
bands they tell us to like. I repeat, that which kills Rock and Roll
kills metal. Snobbery is so not metal. Please make this stop. Why can't
we insist that these bands work for their audience and not for
themselves and their position in the "metal culture." Maybe then the
shows of these bands will be attended by people other than fellow
musicians. Audience Deficiency Syndrome is fatal 100% of the time.
Rock music, and its heavy metal descendant, was never meant
to be exclusionary. It is not a fraternity, religion or a culture. It
is music. Music is supposed to communicate with people, not impress
them. Especially since the sales figures of Mastodon and Lamb of God
indicate that not that many people were impressed anyway. As the
English would say...."They've lost the plot." The low record sales of
Mastodon and Lamb of God are not reflective of "successful elitism" or
a "puritanical" adherence to the metal faith. It just means nobody
likes it. That is the sad state of metal, and will continue to be, so
long as metal's Ku Klux Klan are able to hold an influence over the way
this music is perceived.
The solution is simple. A
return to the roots, and the great and glorious history of the genre.
This was once a dominant force in the music industry, it can be again.
Lose the intolerance and maybe bands like Iron Maiden and Motorhead
won't bristle at the thought of being labeled a metal band. Welcome
back AC/DC and KISS. They have had more positive influence over this
genre than Mastodon ever will. Do as the magazine Metal Hammer does and
embrace all the various genres of metal. They put My Chemical Romance
on their cover in spite of the complaints they get from the metal KKK.
They sell more magazines and somebody finds out about Dimmu Borgir, who
never would have otherwise, and buys their CD's. A rising tide lifts
all boats. Or do you not believe that some people in the past might
have used Motley Crue as a stepping stone to Megadeth and Anthrax. A
low tide grounds all the boats. We are seeing that in metal now.
Gee, I just realized that all this talk about inclusiveness
and tolerance makes me sound like a musical li......lib.......liberal.
I feel dirty just saying the word. I think I'll take a bath, put on
some good American metal like Ted Nugent or Manowar, and read a copy of
the Weekly Standard. I gotta get my "neocon" back on.
Death to False Metal!